thief of time

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Body Image

It’s great how our perspectives change as we get older.
Now, I’m a bit of a hoarder, which is an understatement, and recently I was going through some clothing that I wore when I was a teen or in my 20’s and I realised that I could wear them quite easily and occasionally did so.  I could also mention I’m not terribly fashion conscious, but that’s probably obvious. I’m also just average in weight—waiting for the dreaded middle age spread to hit me, as I realise it’s just around the corner.
All of a sudden, I experienced a mental shift.  While I had never considered myself fat when I was younger, exactly, I had always seen myself as being a bit on the large side.  I suppose being taller than most of the girls in my class and a bit raw boned and having to buy larger clothes to make sure they were long enough in the arm or leg length added to my perception.  (I don’t have the problem with length any more—designers actually make clothes that fit us slightly longer types.)
I knew that I could still fit into these things quite well and that some of them were actually a bit large on me, as indeed they must have been when I was younger. 
That was when I understood that I mustn’t have been as chunky as I had thought I was in my younger years and it made me feel very odd for a while.  It’s strange that it took me this long to realise it. 
It’s funny--you go through life thinking of yourself one way and then all of a sudden you understand that you’ve been slightly askew all those years.
On the other hand, I wonder what impression I have of myself at the present time that I’ll only have to deconstruct twenty years down the line.  Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’ve been granted a clear view, does it?